


A Life Like This

by alexdamien



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-18
Updated: 2014-03-17
Packaged: 2018-01-16 03:38:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 7,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1330522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexdamien/pseuds/alexdamien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The strength of the Soviet Union falls, and the nations start escaping, feeling the yearning for independence. What will be of Prussia now? Prussia centric PruAus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Prussia sat on the floor of the hallway. If he could get cigarettes, he might have smoked.

He felt a pulsing need within his body, and any other day he would have filled it with anything. Smoke, food, vodka...

Estonia passed by, carrying blood soaked bandages. Behind him followed tiny Latvia with slow steps, until he stood in front of Prussia.

"He falls apart," he whispered and looked down at him. In his eyes Prussia saw the same all consuming void that he could feel in himself.

"No shit," lashed out Prussia. Latvia gave him a smile that slowly turned into a grin, then into a smirk.

"Will you wait for the wall to fall from here?"

"No choice, I guess"

"You should go," he said, and Prussia could hear so many voices entwined in Latvia's. "Go to the wall. Go now."

A long wailing scream tore through the house. Belarus.

Prussia looked up at Latvia but he was gone, and only shadows remained of him. He stood up and dusted off his pants. He supposed he should do the same and be gone in an instant. He couldn't feel Estonia in the house anymore either. Yes, he should leave in a breath. But ever since his disollution he had felt so human.

Too human.

Someone came running down the hallway as another horrified scream echoed.

"Prussia! Come! Hurry!" said Lithuania. He had a rifle in his hands. Something like hot terror flared in Prussia's chest and he recoiled, but Lithuania grabbed him by the arm, slung the rifle over his shoulder and slapped him across the face.

"Wake up! We have to leave!"

A dense fog lifted from Prussia's mind, and he realized there were no screams. Not outside his head. Not here.

"J-ja...," he stuttered, and ran after Lithuania. Behind them, even after leaving the house, he could feel that same void, tearing apart everything it could reach. Devouring.

He felt breathless for the first time in hundreds of years. The cold air seemed to tear his lungs to pieces.

"L-liet...," he called and tripped over his feet, falling down to the snowy ground. "I can't...I c-can't..."

I don't want to he thought, and that single thought slashed through him, making him cough up blood. He was ruptured from the inside, and he knew it. Lithuania looked down at him, then to the road. He could be gone at any moment, yet he stayed. It seemed as if Prussia wasn’t the only one having human emotions, and that knowledge gave him strength.

“It won’t be long now,” said Lithuania. “But we must hurry. Prussia I have no more time. We can’t travel like this,” he pulled Prussia up. The bleeding wouldn’t stop, and some of his old wounds were reopening. “I will be free soon…But, I won’t leave you here.”

“T-thank you…” He couldn’t die like this, but it was so painful, soon he wouldn’t want to endure it. Lithuania let down the rifle and lifted Prussia over his shoulders. “Thank you…thank…you…,” he repeated in a whisper. Soon, even words left him, and all he could think of was a small camp in the middle of a hot land. He looked up at the clear sky. It all smelled of dust and dry heat. Close by, he could hear the whispers of prayers.

When he opened his eyes, he was back in the cold and the darkness, and Lithuania wiped some blood off his eyes.

“Can you make it?” he asked, and Prussia knew he had to leave him there.

“S-sure…”

“Prussia-“

“Weren’t you going to…be free? Get going. I…I’ll go to the wall. I’ll see you later.”

Lithuania placed a hand on his cheek. He was hot, despite everything, and in his touch, Prussia felt the strength of revolution. He missed that the most. How they all felt under your skin, vibrating, alive.

“I’m sorry,” said Lithuania.

“I ain’t dead yet, asshole! I just told you I would go to the stupid wguah,” he coughed up blood at that, and chocked on it.

Lithuania laughed.

“Of course. I’ll see you later,” he said, then got up and walked away. He was gone after a couple steps.

Prussia laid on the ground for a while, listening to the wind and the crumbling void approaching. He needed to get moving. It was always easier to travel if you were in movement. He pushed himself to his feet and walked towards where he could feel people moving. Slowly. One step, and then another, and another…and another…

Days passed. He knew that in the same way he felt the seasons changing, this slight blurring in the flow of life around him. But he didn’t think of that. Only on walking. Only on the pushing of himself forward, to preserve himself for no reason other than the desperation to continue existing. He had no strength to fight for anything else. And as long as he stayed there, he would have no people to give him any strength.

He reached a road one night, and stood on the side of it, waiting. He felt someone approaching. People. He needed people.

A small car appeared, and Prussia waved at him. A couple of officials on their way to Moskow. That was enough. That was more than enough. He grinned.

They stopped and got out of the car.

“Who are you?” one of them asked, pointing a gun at him.

“Prussia. I’m Prussia…,” he said. The other approached him, also pointing a gun at him.

“He has white hair and red eyes, like the reports said about him,” he said. Prussia scoffed out a laugh.

After some dithering, they put handcuffs on him, and threw him in the back of the car. Then they started towards Moscow. They didn’t say anything more, and Prussia was thankful.

But the movement was enough.

Enough for him to let his mind drift with it. No, not his mind. Something inside him, something that reached forth, away from the cold and the emptiness and seeked a land that knew every one of his names. He clawed at it with everything he had, and pulled his battered body along.

He fell off a bus when it stopped, and people around him screamed when he collapsed on the ground, coughing blood and falling apart from the inside.

A little unrefined, but as long as the air smelled of home here, he was happy.


	2. Chapter 2

He woke up in a hospital, with Germany asleep on a chair next to him, still holding his hand.

“Hey West,” whispered Prussia, his voice raspy. Germany snapped awake immediately.

“Bruder. How do you feel?” he asked, and passed a hand through his hair.

“Awesome,” he said, and grinned. Laughing was still not possible, but he was trying his best.

Germany sighed. “Everybody was going back home but you, and I…I tried to find out where you were, but there was no information from Russia. And when they found you and brought you here…,- he held his hand harder.- I can only stay until tomorrow. You have been out for two days.

“Shit.”

“Do you want water? How do you really feel?”

“I’m fine. Fine. And I want a beer.”

“Bruder…”

“A beer West, get me one.”

Germany glared at him, but got up and left. Prussia waited until he couldn’t hear his footsteps anymore to lift his shirt and look down at the long gray slash across his chest. So there it was. The goddamned wall, eh? He set his hand over his heart and waited.

Welp, that was a surprise.

He heard Germany walk back and straightened his shirt and the bedsheets.

“The doctor says you can’t drink beer. I brought you water.”

“The doctor can go fu-“

“Take the water Preußen,”

Prussia shut up and took the glass. Germany opened the window a little, then sat back on the chair.

“They say I’m to leave this very evening, and that I can’t take you with me,” he said. Prussia scoffed.

“Those bastards,” he said, and drank the water. It felt foreign in his throat, and burned as it went down. Beer would have been better. Beer made by people, so he could feel their beating hearts in every swallow. “Well, can’t blame them. I gotta get out of here on my own two feet.”

“They won’t let you out. They say you still belong to the Soviet Union and they won’t let you free.”

Prussia hmp-ed, thinking about how they would have stopped Lithuania from leaving. Or even Latvia.

No, he was going to have to get out of there by himself. Like always.

“I’ll arrange everything for you to stay somewhere you can rest in calm. The authorities accepted that, at least.”

“Thanks, West,” whispered Prussia, and set the almost full glass of water on the table next to the bed. Truthfully, he would have preferred to just stay in the hospital. Sleeping in chairs, helping out the nurses, carrying the wounded… That never changed, unlike the world outside that he barely recognized.

“I’m sorry for lashing, I just…”

“It’s alright.”

“No it’s not!”

“West calm down!” shouted Prussia, glaring at him. He was beaten and broken, but he was still the older brother of the two, and West was going to listen to him whether he liked it or not. He took a moment to recover his breath, and laid back down. “I’ll be fine. I’m still alive, and I plan to keep being alive. Moreover, you still have work to do on the other side. Even if you could, I wouldn’t let you stay. You need to be there.”

“I want to stay here.”

“You’re the only one this side of Berlin who wants that.”

He knew it. He felt it in the air.

Germany held his hand, and Prussia smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

The doctors discharged him a few days later. His condition wasn't any better, but hell if they could do something for him at that point. So they informed West, and he was led to a small apartment with armed guards in the doors. He saw them straighten when he passed, and for the first time wondered why Lithuania had a rifle on him when they escaped.

He laid in bed, ate the food brought to him, and sometimes listened to the radio. He disliked the radio more and more with each passing day tough. He could hear the slow crackling of the Soviet Union all the more clearly that way.

Days and months passed that way, in between sleeping and eating and hating. Until one day, he woke up to a small tapping in the window, and saw he was free.

"You're back!" He said, opening the window to let in the tiny yellow bird. "I almost thought we wouldn't make it together."

Gilbird chirped and made himself warm and comfortable in Prussia's hair.

I'll get you something to drink and eat," he said, looking around the left over dishes that the guards hadn't taken away. "I only have crumbs now, but we'll get something nicer later."

Gilbird chirped.

"We still have time, don't worry about it," he said, setting up a small cup with water and crumbling some stale bread. "Now eat, I still have to get changed."

A guard opened the door, gun in hand.

"Who is here?" he asked. Prussia pointed to Gilbird at the table.

"My friend came to see me."

The guard looked at the bird, then back at Prussia, then at the bird again; and exited the room without another word.

A few minutes later, Prussia had grabbed the coat that the guards had given him and the shirt that had the least holes in it, and opened the windows completely. A chilly breeze hit his face, and the sky was a soft gray.

A perfect day to fly.


	4. Chapter 4

The people gathered at the entry checkpoints, demanding to be let out inmediately like they'd heard on the news. Prussia walked among them, waiting. On the other side he could feel West waiting for him.

"Will they fire at us?" Asked a woman, in the same tone one would ask if it will rain in the afternoon.

"Who knows," answered another woman next to her. Prussia walked away and found an old abandoned car. He cupped his hands over his face. They would be allowing passage any moment now. He looked down at the car and saw it was made of more cardboard than metal.

A harsher glare, and it was compelled to open the door for Prussia.

"Ladies!" He called. The women looked at him. Hollow eyes that still showed the will to fight. "Would you like a ride?"

“Is this yours?” the talles of the two asked. Gilbird made himself comfortable in the dashboard.

A cheer went through the people when the order was given for them to be led trough.

“Sure is,” Prussia patted the hood, and the little car was persuaded to produce warm air conditioning. The girls didn’t hesitate any more after that.

The few meters to the checkpoint took a few hours, but they passed by fast among stories of dreams and hopes, and how many times _Gilbert’s_ brother had wet the bed.

Once on the other side, the girls recognized a bunch of friends waiting for them, and after thanking Prussia thoroughly, they ran out of the car. Prussia laughed and waved. The people parted before the cars, and after a few minutes, he saw a tall stern figure searching among the crowd. He honked and Germany turned to him. Prussia got out of the car and Gil flew to his head.

“Hey West! Look, I have a car!” he said. Germany looked at him with wide eyes, until he seemed to finally believe it really was him, and then he ran to hug him so hard, Prussia felt his brother would break him.


	5. Chapter 5

Germany's house was smaller than ever, but somehow, it looked far more homely than Prussia remembered.

I hope you made cake because I'm starving! He got out of the  car. Inside the house, he could hear the dogs barking and scratching at the door.

"Is your bag in the trunk?" Asked Germany.

"I didn't bring anything. Sort of a hurry, but it's alright. Come on, let me see your babies!"

Germany looked at the car with a sad expression, but didn't say anything, and opened the door with a wave of his hand. The dogs jumped on Prussia, all wagging tails and wet tongues. It took a moment for Prussia to realize he was on the ground with the dogs excitedly licking his face, and laughing.

A laughter that came from that deep void within himself, and that told him he would be alright.

#

He slept for much of the next day, and so did Gilbird. On the edge of his conciousness he could feel Germany sneaking in to check on him from time to time.

"What about the cake?" He muttered from beneath the covers when Germany opened the door for the fifth time. His brother grunted.

"I thought you were sick or something," he said. Prussia buried himself deeper into the covers. "Austria sent a torte for you."

Prussia got up. "Well, it would be a shame to let it go to waste. Where's that aristocratic asshole?"

Germany gave him a puzzled look. "He's not here. He sent it."

"...Oh."

"B-but I also baked you one! With a marzipan bird!"

Prussia was so disappointed, he ate the entire cakes by himself.

But he left the marzipan bird because they were too cute.


	6. Chapter 6

Germany came home in a hurry a couple days later.

"Hey West! Come check this out!" yelled Prussia from the living room where he had set Gilbird between the leftover marzipan birds that he still refused to eat. He had even made tiny hats for them with paper cutouts and everything.

"I can't Bruder!" Said Germany from the study. "I have a meeting with Sweden tonight and I have to leave very soon," he said, putting papers inside a portfolio.

"Oh, alright. I'll pack you some clothes," he said.

"No, there's no need. I will be back tonight. There's leftovers in the fridge." He gave Prussia a quick hug and left.

Prussia looked out the window, even though he knew Germany was already gone.

"Pshhh, how boring!" he yelled at the silence that filled the house. Outside, the dogs whined, begging to be let in. He opened the door for them, and patted them all.

They had so much energy. Unlike him.

He would take a short nap an then get up to...do something. Yeah, but first, nap.

He climbed into bed and all the dogs settled next to him too. Gilbird made himself comfortable among Aster's fur, and Berlitz sniffled his face before curling up at his feet.

He woke up at midnight to a call from Germany. He scrambled around the bedside table until he grabbed the receiver.

"Whut?" He mumbled.

"Ah, Bruder. I'm sorry, but it seems I will have to stay for a day or two more. I wanted to call you earlier, but it was impossible for me."

"Shhure, yeah. You need clothes or anything?"

"No, no, I'm fine. I just wanted to tell you to not expect me tomorrow."

"Ha, ha, right. You caught me asleep."

"You didn't let the dogs inside did you?"

"... No."

"Are they at least not on your bed?"

"... No."

Germany sighed. "Try to clean up a little at least."

"Kesesese! Go to sleep already!"

Fine, fine"

Germany hung up, and Prussia looked at the receiver for a moment before setting it down and going back to sleep.

Two days later, Germany called again to say that he had far more work than expected and would stay with Sweden for a little while more. This time he couldn’t be sure when they would be done. He sounded concerned and serious and it all made Prussia feel so pathetic he couldn't help but laugh.

"Geez, it's alright. I won't burn the house down little bro," he said, getting up from the bed for the first time since Germany had left. Blackie whined and he patted the puppy's head. They would always be pupies to him just like Germany would always be his baby brother.

"I was just...," said Germany, tripping over his concern like he always tripped over his emotions. Who did he ever got that from? Wondered Prussia, fixing his hair idly in front of the mirror.

"Don't worry. It'll be fine. Bring me something nice, like a lamp or something. I won't let you in without souvenirs, eh!"

A laugh escaped Germany's lips, and was quickly suppressed.

"I- I will bring something if possible. Take care."

Prussia hung up and stretched. “Well, well, let’s go out for a walk guys. Who wants to go annoy Austria?”

All the dogs barked happily.


	7. Chapter 7

Prussia had long ago stopped bothering with the leashes, and now only walked leisurely behind the pack, Gilbird chirping happily on his head. The cold air caressed his cheeks, and all he thought of was how far that void was. It waited. It would keep on waiting. But for now, it did so far enough for him to contemplate dinner calmly.

Berlitz barked, snapping Prussia out of his gloom. The three dogs stood in front of a strange sphere in the park surrounded by a spiked fence. A long haired kid looked down at him from the top.

"Sir... please silence your dogs," said the kid, in a low monotone. Prussia saw in his eyes something that wasn't human, but that looked not like earth nor sky.

"Sorry kiddo. What are you doing there?"

"I am Here."

Prussia nodded. He understood, and yet...

"And who are you?"

"The Republic of Kugelmugel."

Blackie barked, and the kid shivered. Prussia patted the dog on the head and made a calming noise.

"Sorry about that. Aren't you cold there?"

"I'm busy," said Kugelmugel, frowning. "I am pondering the artistic nature of baumkuchen."

"Uh?"

"While it might not seem so at first sight, the very process required for the creation of Baumkuchen requires a design and depth of consideration that very well allows it to be classified as.."

Prussia tuned out his speech. He felt like he was listening to Austria talk about technical differences in pianos.

"That sounds nice," he said when it was clear the kid wouldn't stop talking. "But you know what you need now? Firsthand experience. Here, come and I'll get you some cake," he said, stepping closer to the fence and holding up his arms. It would be a big fall, but the kid was small, and he wasn't a weakling. Not yet.

"I... I can't. Austria put this fence and-"

"But did Austria say you couldn't go for cake?"

"...No."

"Then come on. We'll eat something and then you'll be back. No problem."

It seemed just like Austria. To put pretty little birds in cages like that.

The kid considered the idea.

"Just jump. I'll catch you."

"Really?"

"Sure kiddo. I'd never lie to you. Come on."

Kugelmugel pouted. "I want a big slice."

Prussia laughed. "Of course. A really big one."

Kugelmugel stood up. His hair reached down to his feet.

"Promise you'll catch me?"

"Promise."

The little bird jumped right over the fence, and Prussia was there to catch him. Germany's dogs jumped around them excitedly, and Kugelmugel shivered. .

"See? It's alright," said Prussia, still holding the little ball of tangled hair and artistic obsession in his arms. "The guys are happy too. They won't hurt you. Look, this is Blackie, and Berlitz, and Aster," he lowered Kugelmugel so he could see them closer, but didn't let go of him. The kid lowered a hand at them and Berlitz sniffled it. Kugelmugel smiled.

"So... They're not like police dogs?"

Prussia gritted his teeth. So that was it.

"No, of course not. These are pet dogs. They're friends."

He finally let Kugelmugel down, and took his hand while they walked downtown. The boy still talking on and on about different art forms, and Prussia still tuning out most of it.

Austria intercepted them a few blocks later. Prussia had been expecting him for a while now.

Kugelmugel started and hid under Prussia's coat.

"Hey Specs. Wanna go for cake too?"

Austria made an annoyed face and sighed.

"He could have hurt himself," he said finally. "You shouldn't be jumping from places like that, Kugelmugel."

The kid clung harder to Prussia. "Sorry...," he mumbled from beneath the coat. "He said he would give me cake."

"I sure will," said Prussia, and picked up Kugelmugel, easily carrying him on his shoulders.

Austria shook his head and sighed again. "You shouldn't trust strangers like that," he said and turned to Prussia. "And what were you thinking? Asking a child to jump off a building for cake. If you wanted to meet him, you should have just called me."

"Yeah, let's call the guy who put the barbed wire fence around him."

They kept walking. Austria followed tiredly, with an odd limp that Prussia made note to ask about later. Maybe.

"You say it like I ordered it. The government did. I wanted to take him home, but...they said it would be a gesture of acceptance."

Prussia said nothing. Words with Austria didn't come to him as easily as they did once.

They walked in silence. It was all so different from what little he could remember.

"Wasn't there a bakery?" He asked, pointing at a fountain.

"Many things are different now. Come, there's a cafe down this street."

Kugelmugel dug his fingers in Prussia's hair. "You're friends?"

"Yes," answered Austria before Prussia could say anything.

He wanted to tell him -How dare you call me that? How dare you say that now? When you have guarded your words so carefully before?- but he was too busy fighting the smile that threatened to escape his lips.

Austria led them to a quaint little cafe with a terrace where the dogs could lay down. Prussia let down Kugelmugel.

"Go choose any cake you want. And tell them you want a double slice," he told him. Kugelmugel nodded and ran to the counter, his tangled hair a floating mess behind him.

Prussia sat down across from Austria.

"You seem well," said Austria.

"Of course I'm well. I'm fine. I'm awesome," he said, leaning back on his chair. Gilbird flew down to the table next to his hand. "What's up with that kid on your park? Kesesese! An independent republic right on your living room. That's something new."

The waitress brought them coffee. Austria put a hand to his temple. “Edwin Lipburger, he… he built that strange house without the permits and when the government tried to stop him he just up and declared his independence. Like nothing! It's ridiculous, completely ridiculous. And it wouldn't have come to anything more if Kugelmugel hadn't appeared. He used him as proof of his independence and that's when they moved the house and put the fence around. He doesn't know how it happened, and frankly I have no idea about it myself. He's 7 meters, for god's sake."

Prussia sipped on his coffee. "That's 7 meters more than I had."

"Prussia we were fortresses."

Prussia smirked at him and drank from his coffee again. "I'll show a copy of the brotherhood establishment in Jerusalem. When I served at a hospital in Acre. I started protecting pilgrims a bit after that."

Austria paled, and his fingers shook in a way Prussia recognized as carefully contained fury. He hadn't meant it though. And only now realized he had kept that secret all to himself for so long.

Kugelmugel came to the table with a huge slice of Baumkuchen.

"Why did you come all the way here?" Asked Austria, changing the conversation. Kugelmugel sat a little closer to Prussia, and ate his cake in big bites that made Austria frown at his manners.

"I wanted a change of scenery. The guys needed some new air," he petted Berlitz who laid next to him. "It's boring with Germany away."

"He's at the meeting with Sweden, isn't he?"

"Yup."

Austria took his napkin and reached to wipe the side of Kugelmugel's mouth.

"That's unsightly," he said. Kugelmugel whined.

Prussia breathed deeply.

At that moment, he was happy.


	8. Chapter 8

Germany arrived early the next day, and caught Prussia, Gilbird, and all his dogs sleeping in a pile in the living room. He shook his head and left the box of cookies in the table while he went to prepare breakfast. As he turned around he caught sight of Blackie staring at him from his place next to Prussia's head.

"You looked out for him?" He whispered. Blackie nodded. "Thanks."

He went on to make pancakes.

Yes, pancakes would be the best right now.


	9. Chapter 9

Austria called a few days later, saying that Kugelmugel had been allowed into his house and he had made a torte for him. And perhaps Prussia would like to come. For a slice, of course. Nothing more.

Prussia never said no to free food, so the excuse suited him perfectly.

He stopped by an art supplies store on his way there. He wasn't that much into art, but you couldn't get it wrong with some brushes and watercolors, right?

He looked at rows after rows of different watercolors and facepalmed. He probably should have just gotten him a hair tie, or something useful like that.

"Can I help you sir?" Asked an employee. He took a step back when he saw Prussia's red eyes.

"Yeah. Uhm, I need something for a kid. I don't know what he likes but he's really into art."

"How old is he?"

Prussia pictured him in his mind.

"Around...seven..."

"Well, we have some toxic free crayons here."

"Crayons? No, I should get him something...crayons don't seem artsy enough for him..."

"Color pencils and crayons are a great way to introduce a kid to art."

"No, no, he knows his shit, he's really smart. I need something for him to impress the Austrian school of art."

"Uhm..."

He ended up buying the watercolors he had seen at first. A few brushes, and wrapped everything with a bow in a power rangers bag. He didn't know much about them, but he'd heard Sealand was all excited about them.

He looked around for a suitable door to use to get to Austria. No sense in making them wait.


	10. Chapter 10

He walked up the driveway to Austria's mansion. He had forgotten how big it was, compared to Germany's more sensible house. He had forgotten a lot of things now that the air didn't whisper to him the way it did before.

"Prussia!" Called someone from the second floor. Prussia looked up to see Kugelmugel holding over the railing of the balcony. His long hair bound in long braids that floated with the wind. From somewhere inside the house, Austria screamed.

Prussia dropped the bag and held out his hands just in time to catch the kid.

"Oof. Give me a warning next time, will you kiddo?" He said. Kugelmugel laughed. Prussia lifted him and spun him around

Austria came running out of the house.

"Kugelmugel! Is he alright?!"

"Of course he is. He's a brave little guy. He'll be strong soon."

Austria huffed, trying to not lose his composure any more than he already had.

"Go inside and wash your hands," he ordered Kugelmugel.

"Wait, I got something for him!" He looked around on the ground until he found the beaten power rangers bag. "Here it is. All for you little guy," he said, and ruffled his hair.

Kugelmugel opened it and squealed. "Watercolors! Thank you Prussia!" He ran back inside the house. Austria gave Prussia him his best -I am so outraged at your childish behavior- glare.

"Now he won't wash his hands. He will probably not sleep either,” he gave a long suffering sigh. Prussia held his arm and started to walk towards the house. Austria would just nag at him for hours in the driveway, and he had been promised torte. “You haven’t seen him Prussia, he has such an artistic fervor, it sometimes worries me.”

“He sounds like you and that damned piano of yours," said Prussia

"Please."

"You brought an orchestra to battle, and don't think I'll ever forget that!"

Austria made a dignified noise. Prussia just snickered and followed him inside.It was chocolate torte, and they sat together to eat it in the garden. Prussia made bad bird puns all the time, because he knew if he let either of them start talking, he would never hear the end of a discussion about art and music.

Kugelmugel went on to play with his new watercolors and Prussia served himself another slice.

"This is really good. Much better than the stuff you sent me."

"Hmp. Should I take it as a compliment?"

"You should take it as a reason to make another one and send it to me."

Austria glared at him from over the rim of his coffee cup.

"You're as grateful as ever I see."

"I'm the same as always," said Prussia.

Austria looked down, hiding the fact that his eyes had lost the sharpness they had when he spoke with him.

Prussia lowered his fork. "You wanna say something specs? Spit it already!"

Austria wouldn't look him in the eye.

"I don't."

"Bullshit!"

"I don't have anything to tell you. But you don't have much to say to me either."

Prussia growled. "Is this because you're pissed off I didn't tell you about Acre? You think that now that you know that, we're different somehow? We're not!"

"It's not because of that!"

"Shit Austria! Then what the hell is it?!"

"There's nothing!"

In a second he pushed the table to aside and reached for Austria's cravat.

"If you think I can't see all the words you don't say written all over your damned face, then you're an idiot," he grabbed his arm, and Austria put his hands around his throat. Finally willing to fight. "I can scheme even better than you do, but it's all useless now, and I no longer have any patience for our usual games."

"It's not...it's not all useless now!"

Kugelmugel ran down the stairs.

"Prussia! Austria! Look at my painting!"

They released each other. Kugelmugel didn't notice the messed table or Austria's red eyes. He pulled on Prussia's sleeve

"Come! Come! Mr. Austria, tell him to come upstairs!" he said.

Austria took off his glasses. "Prussia, go with Kugelmugel already," he said, taking off his glasses and cleaning them. "He has been wanting to show you his paintings for days.

Prussia gritted his teeth.

"Sure, show me your stuff kiddo," said Prussia. He picked up Kugelmugel and carried him up the stairs.

Austria didn't follow.

Kugelmugel signaled to his room, and Prussia realized this was Italy's old room. Big enough for two, but with only a single bed it had lots of space for Kugelmugel's many canvas and paintings thrown around.

Prussia lifted an eyebrow at the many paint stains on the carpet. That had definitely been a bad idea. Carpeting as a whole was a bad idea with children, and he was surprised Austria wasn't regretting that decision right now.

"Look, here!" Said Kugelmugel, escaping from his arms and running to his bed, where he had been painting more than just paper. Prussia approached, fairly sure that the ruined duvet on that bed costed more money than he'd seen in years.

"I painted your dogs, and your bird," he said, showing Prussia a paper with a bunch of dog shaped brown blobs. Prussia scoffed out a laugh and was going to make a lot of fake noises of amazement, until he saw the tiny bird on top of Aster's head. It was an almost perfect portrait of Gilbird, to the point that he could see the light shining on his eyes.

"Don't make fun of it!" Whined Kugelmugel, and hit him softly. "Don't make fun of art!"

"Ah, I wasn't! I just this...this is really amazing."

"You're lying! You don't like art!"

Prussia hugged him with his free arm, and kissed his forehead. "Kiddo, I don't know shit about art, but I like this. I love this. I love it because it's beautiful, and because you made it."

"Really?" Kugelmugel looked up at him with expectant purple eyes, and Prussia realized that the painting was beautiful because Kugelmugel had made it. It might have been art, or it might have not. Prussia didn't care. He loved it because he realized that this kid saw things the same way he did, and had seen an eternal heart where no one else had.

"Really."


	11. Chapter 11

The phone rang, but Prussia was too caught up with the final episode of his soap opera, and he wasn’t going to move.

Germany picked up, and Prussia decided to ignore the world again until he heard Germany call his name.

“What?”

“Austria is complaining about some ruined duvet. He says it’s your fault.”

“It’s not!”

“Bruder.”

“It’s the fault of his shitty parenting skills. Who lets a child paint in their bedroom?”

Germany sighed, and Prussia tuned out of the conversation.  He laid down on the couch and put his feet on the table, when suddenly Germany unplugged the tv.

“Hey!”

Germany glared at him. “I don’t know what happened, and I believe that it wasn’t your fault that Austria’s duvet and carpet were ruined.”

“The carpet was ruined way before I got there!”

“Yes, yes, but maybe it would be better to just give up now. That might better your relationship with him,” he said, and took out his wallet. Prussia pouted.

“But it wasn’t my fault. He’s just looking for ways to take out his anger at me. Shitty parent that he’s always been…”

“Look, just go and buy the duvet for him, see what’s wrong with the carpet…”

“But!”

“No buts. Actually, I’d just like for you to get out of the house for a while. You have been holed up here since you came back from Austria.”

“Then maybe I just don’t want to talk to Austria! And I _have_ gone out of the house.”

“Taking the dogs out doesn’t count. Now go, get something nice. You like Kugelmugel at least.”

“Fine, just for the kid” he mumbled, and got up.


	12. Chapter 12

He bought a nice purple and silver duvet for Kugelmgel’s bed, and, wearing his best jacket, he went to Austria’s house to apologize and pay for something that had been Austria’s fault. Somehow, they always seemed to end up there.

He pressed the doorbell.

A frazzled and slightly wet Austria answered the door, carrying Kugelmugel on one arm.

“Prussia! Tell him I don’t want to bathe!” said Kugelmugel. “I can’t do art if I bathe!”

Austria gave an exasperated sigh.

“I have an important dinner tonight, so I told him that after bathing, he must not paint, otherwise he would get dirty again.”

Kugelmugel squirmed, trying to reach for Prussia.

“Then don’t take him. He wants to stay and paint, so what?” he took Kugelmugel from Austria and gave him the package with the duvet. The he pushed Austria away and came into the house.

“He can’t stay, there’s nobody to look out for him.”

“Then I’ll take care of him. Go to your important stuffy dinner, and I’ll stay with him. I still have to fix the carpet that _someone_ thought would be great to have in the room of an excited little artist,” he bounced Kugelmugel a little.

“He was supposed to be careful! And besides, replacing it all would have been too costly.”

Prussia carried Kugelmugel inside and let him down at the stairs. “Go paint little buddy, but you have to bathe before going to sleep, alright?”

“Yes!” he smiled and ran up to his room.

“I’m not sure about leaving him with you.”

“I am way better at raising kids than you!”

Austria turned away. “That is very debatable. Hmmm, this is an awful duvet. It doesn’t go with the décor of the room. Take it back,” he said, and left the package on the table.

Prussia gritted his teeth. “Are you serious? Why are you being so annoying? Now I know you’re doing it on purpose! I wish you would stop being so passive aggressive and just say what you want to say.”

Austria looked at him, and then slapped him across the face.

“WHAT THE HELL?!” yelled Prussia, and grabbed Austria by the lapels of his coat and shook him. “I didn’t mean for you to get active aggressive!”

A small laughed escaped from Austria’s lips, and Prussia stopped shaking him.

“Are you alright specs? What the hell, it’s like you’ve gone insane!”

Austria looked away. A blush covered his cheeks. “You…didn’t seem like yourself.

“What?”

“I knew it from the moment I saw you with Kugelmugel. I knew you weren’t the person you were when you left with Russia, no matter how much you said you were the same. But when you mentioned Acre, I thought about it, and I… I realized…”

Prussia let go of him. “I am the same… I am the same!”

Austria shook his head softly. “But you’re still you.”

“Pfff, you’re just saying nonsense. That’s enough, I’m tired of listening to you.”

Austria put a hand over his chest, but Prussia grabbed it and pulled it away.

“Is it still there?”

“What are you talking about? Don’t touch me like that!”

“Prussia, I know. Germany called me when he went to see you at the hospital,” said Austria. Prussia fell silent. “He told me about the wall in you. He didn’t know what to do, but…I didn’t know either.”

“So he knew…Why did he call you? You’re useless,” said Prussia, trying to get away from him, but Austria held on to him.

“He didn’t know who to call. He was nearly hysterical.”

“He should have called anyone but you.”

“Would you stop that already? You’re always so sensitive about him, even after all this time. I should be the sensitive one, you stole him from me!”

Prussia glared at Austria, so furious that words wouldn’t come to him. Austria punched him in the chest. Lightly. A blow fueled only by frustration.

“You still shut me out! You still try to steal away everything from me. You would even take away all your pain and hoard it before letting me help!”

Prussia opened his mouth to lash out at him, when they heard a tiny voice from the hallway.

“Stop fighting…,” said Kugelmugel, clutching a crumpled piece of paper and crying silently, in a way that children should never cry. In a way that Germany had cried nonstop the first day and the first night after opening his eyes, over a hundred years ago.

“W-we weren’t fighting!” said Prussia. He hugged Austria. “We’re fine! Look! I’m hugging him! Everything’s alright little dude,” Prussia let go of Austria and went to pick up Kugelmugel. “It’s alright. Austria’s just going to get ready for his stuffy dinner, and I’m gonna start working on the carpet, and you can paint all you want.”

When Prussia looked back, Austria was gone.


	13. Chapter 13

Prussia took all of Kugelmugel’s things and moved them to a different room that had a tiled floor that he could wash off later, then set to moving the furniture out into an empty bedroom. There were many more empty and abandoned rooms in Austria’s house than he remembered, but he decided to ignore it and focus all his attention in working on the carpet.

He had always liked working with his hands, as he had been made to do just that. Others could write or preach, but when battles ended, people needed water carried, and bandages cleaned. Work and clean, using every moment of the day with extreme precision.

When he looked up to see the light of the setting sun through the window, he realized he had lost track of time completely.

“Shit,” he cursed under his breath, and got up. He dusted himself off, and went to the room where Kugelmugel was still painting.

“Hey, aren’t you hungry? Come on, I’ll make you something to eat,” he said. Kugelmugel nodded. He looked exhausted, and Prussia got angry at himself for not paying attention to the time like he should have. Austria had won this one, apparently.

He made Kugelmugel a sandwich and let him eat it in the living room, watching tv.

But the kid wouldn’t pay attention to the cartoons, and instead ate his sandwich in silence, deep in thought. When he finished, he looked up at Prussia.

"Did you really steal something from him?"

Prussia leaned down on the couch and thought of Germany. "Hmmm, yeah, I did. A few things."

"Were they very important?"

"Some were. Some weren't, and some...," he thought of Germany again. He thought of carrying that small dead body away from the battleground, and how Austria had looked at him like he was mad to think there was anything left in it. "Some he only realized how important they were when I took them."

Kugelmugel looked down, pondering this new good and bad that had no place in his art.

"Maybe you could give them back?"

"Don't think I can. Most of them I don't even have anymore," and the one he did, he would never give up.

"Can he still forgive you if you don't give them back?"

"Sure he can, kiddo," He got up and patted his head, messing the hair under that ugly hat. He walked towards the kitchen. "He's just being prissy."

"Then why won't he?"

"Who knows? You want ice cream?"

Kugelmugel nodded. Prussia served him a couple of really big scoops and then got some for himself.

Kugelmugel stared at his ice cream for a moment before speaking.

"I don't think forgiveness is an art," said Kugelmugel.

"It's not," said Prussia. He didn't know about art, but he knew about mercy, and piety, and he knew that it was messy business that could kill you just as easy as any sword. Sometimes, even easier. "It's a bit more... complicated. Sometimes people have to atone, sometimes they don't, and sometimes they can't.”

“Are you sorry?”

Prussia swallowed his ice cream and looked down at the spoon on his hand.  “I’m sorry I had to take them from him the way I did.”

They ate in silence. When they were done Kugelmugel pouted.

“I don’t understand forgiveness.”

 Prussia laughed. "You will understand it. Soon."

Soon, in a few decades when Lipburger dies, and you are left behind. Or in a century, when your house falls apart, and you start listening to the earth, and the wind, and the echoes of your paintings. But soon, because a hundred years will see all you love gone, and you will realize then that forgiveness is needed the most when it cannot be given.

"He should just forgive you and let you live here, so the three of us can live together like Sealand and Sweden and Finland. Then we can pretend like Gil is a dog and we would all be happy like them."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to nekochanthekitty for her encouragement during the writing of this fic. It was very useful.  
> If you like this fic, please consider leaving a comment or kudos. That would make me very happy.


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